I heard a story
And I know you won't believe me
But I got to tell you anyway
I tell, you tell both of us can go to hell
Could be for a lengthy stay

See my mate's mother's sister's cousin's little brother
Had a letter come through the mail
Seems he had a cousin who was feelin' lonesome
Since they locked him up in Stuart Gaol
The letter said, "Cousin... can ya help me cousin?
I got pinched for somethin' I didn't do
They said I left my footprints in a zigzag line
But I always take a bus to the zoo...
They got some beat-up witness
Who had no damn business
Bein' where he said he was...
I saw that beat-up witness
Cross himself three times
And load me up before the eyes of God"

I said, "well that's too bad...
It's a cryin' shame...
It's a travesty of justice and truth...
But how many people fall foul of the game
And wind up starin' at the big house roof?"
Well he nodded his head
I lit a cigarette
And we prayed to God the horse wouldn't bolt
Cause if there's one sure thing that you can bet
Is that it'll end up somebody's fault

Then my friend sat up he said, Well the kid coulda walked...
He could've found himself a pair o roller skates
There was only two things wrong with his attorney of law
And she confessed, she was only drunk 'cause she was late

I said, "The art of law, is a law unto itself
And the law of art is much the same
They both point the finger at somebody else
And try to squeeze 'em into some sort of frame

He said, "I know all that...
But the jury was blind and the bailiff had gold in his smile
It's the laws of physics we know nothin' about
And how to a fit a fruitcake inside of a file..."

Well I nodded my head, he lit a cigarette
And we listened to the radio whine
Sayin' somethin' about people who deserve what they get
From the ones who say they're towin' the line

So we raised a glass to the miracle of life
And the miracle of lifelike as well
And we swapped those stories with a grain of the truth
For the ones we could pick by the smell

Silence is golden
Talk is cheap
TV is your best friend
We watched 'em flick through the channels from the end of the bar
And flick through those channels again

So I said to my friend, "What was it all about...
Was it love lost in a bottle of gin?"
He said, "I'll tell you somethin'...
Just between you and me
The kid was dancin' on the head of a pin

Now You've heard the story
You probably don't believe me
We'll probably go to hell for our sins
But if you go tellin' stories to somebody else
Don't go dancin' on the head of A pin